Ill Idventures with Iliya

Yesterday I traveled to Jerusalem with my trampoline buddy Abby and the Illz-cat himself. Our destination was a Camp Wise reunion dinner at the American bar on Ben Yehuda street, but as the great sage Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said: "Life is a journey, not a destination." In today's case, the journey was full of life.. the rocky, dangerous, off-road type of life. (The best kind of life.. except the one that comes in cereal form). After eating at a Guiness record holding restaurant for Hummus, Iliya had a surprise waiting for us.

After we finished our delicious Hummus meal in the town (and restaurant) Abu Gosh, Abby and I asked Iliya "what are we doing next??" A sly, guileful smile came across Iliya's face as he cooly replied "you'll see." Abby didn't know what this meant. I did. A few months ago, Iliya purchased a small but powerful jeep-like suzuki that has become his pride and joy.  He has reformatted and souped-up this car as much as his budget has allowed, resulting in aftermarket suspension, steel plates on the undercarriage, off-road tires, specialized transmission, and state-of-the-art stereo. Unlike the level plains surrounding Tel Aviv, Jerusalem is rather mountainous. In the bible, the city is referred to as a "mountain city enthroned on a mountain fastness." These mountains aren't the Rockies or the Himalayas, but they do provide the perfect ruggedness for a rugged man with a rugged vehicle. We drove on the highway a bit, and seeing what looked like a hiking trail off the edge of the highway, we veered off the road and into the wilderness. After engaging the four wheel drive, we cranked up Girl Talk on the stereo and fastened our seat belts. Camera in hand, I felt ready to go. We weren't driving for more than a minute before disaster struck (dun-dun-DUUUNNNNN)

Check the video.. Iliya's face at the end is one of fear, repulsion, and cluelessness:

We had run over a man-made tunnel and the panel covering this death trap had been desrtroyed by Iliya's  beastmobile. I half expected a bunch of Illegals or possibly Osama Bin Laden to emerge from this make-shift bunker in the mountain. After hopeless attempts to drive the beastmobile from this pit of death, I suggested that the three of us try to just pick up the car out from the abyss below. Between the three of us, I am a strapping lad with a youthful exuberance and decent muscle mass. Iliya, the mortal son of Zeus, is built like he was personally sculpted by Hashem himself. And then there is Abby: the most athletic girl I know. Our first effort gave us hope..we were able to raise the beastmobile a couple inches. Immediately upon seeing this possibility for escape, Iliya became mine and Abby's commander and we went about collecting large stones, a telephone pole, and following Iliya's orders to complete this mission. Despite our courage, brawn, and strength of leadership, we needed to call in for reinforcements. Iliya told us he would be back, and began sprinting up the mountain. This provided myself the opportunity to take some pictures and have some fun before our impending death in the wilderness.

Video! Watch it!

Hardcore Abby face

Great Hiding Place

Cars: heavier than they look. Or maybe just as heavy. 

Defeated. 

Finally, Iliya returned with four high-school-age Israelis, and together we were able to pick up the back end of the truck and rescue the beastmobile from certain towing expenses. However, as you may be able to observe from the pictures, the beastmobile was stuck at an incline, and when all four wheels were back on solid ground, the suzuki began rolling. Down the hill. As this was happening, Abby quickly grabbed the emergency brake, but not before the front left wheel entrenched itself in the death trap. Simultaneously, a couple of Israeli helpers and myself were trying to hold the car from rolling down the mountain from the front bumper. As the front of the car fell into the abyss, one of the Israelis lost his footing and bagan to slip into the hole. I quickly grabbed him by the shirt and did my best to keep him from certain death (ok.. so maybe just from certain injury, but it sounds more Hollywood this way). Eventually, we all escaped unscathed, except for Ilya's first born son the beastmobile, which suffered scratches and minor paint loss.

Making sure this doesn't happen to anyone else. 

Damage assesment: limited

All smiles and boob sweat

Osama?? Nope.








So we made it to Jerusalem.. just as the sun was setting. I have been there a few times now, but seeing the mountains and the architecture beautifully designed and constructed from the ancient Jerusalem stone is as powerful a sight as I have ever seen. The only sad part of the day was not being able to visit the Old City due to the threat of riots and violence spilling over from East Jerusalem. A great day nonetheless.

Photo Credit: someone else