Yesterday I traveled to Jerusalem with my trampoline buddy Abby and the Illz-cat himself. Our destination was a Camp Wise reunion dinner at the American bar on Ben Yehuda street, but as the great sage Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said: "Life is a journey, not a destination." In today's case, the journey was full of life.. the rocky, dangerous, off-road type of life. (The best kind of life.. except the one that comes in cereal form). After eating at a Guiness record holding restaurant for Hummus, Iliya had a surprise waiting for us.
After we finished our delicious Hummus meal in the town (and restaurant) Abu Gosh, Abby and I asked Iliya "what are we doing next??" A sly, guileful smile came across Iliya's face as he cooly replied "you'll see." Abby didn't know what this meant. I did. A few months ago, Iliya purchased a small but powerful jeep-like suzuki that has become his pride and joy. He has reformatted and souped-up this car as much as his budget has allowed, resulting in aftermarket suspension, steel plates on the undercarriage, off-road tires, specialized transmission, and state-of-the-art stereo. Unlike the level plains surrounding Tel Aviv, Jerusalem is rather mountainous. In the bible, the city is referred to as a "mountain city enthroned on a mountain fastness." These mountains aren't the Rockies or the Himalayas, but they do provide the perfect ruggedness for a rugged man with a rugged vehicle. We drove on the highway a bit, and seeing what looked like a hiking trail off the edge of the highway, we veered off the road and into the wilderness. After engaging the four wheel drive, we cranked up Girl Talk on the stereo and fastened our seat belts. Camera in hand, I felt ready to go. We weren't driving for more than a minute before disaster struck (dun-dun-DUUUNNNNN)
Check the video.. Iliya's face at the end is one of fear, repulsion, and cluelessness:
We had run over a man-made tunnel and the panel covering this death trap had been desrtroyed by Iliya's beastmobile. I half expected a bunch of Illegals or possibly Osama Bin Laden to emerge from this make-shift bunker in the mountain. After hopeless attempts to drive the beastmobile from this pit of death, I suggested that the three of us try to just pick up the car out from the abyss below. Between the three of us, I am a strapping lad with a youthful exuberance and decent muscle mass. Iliya, the mortal son of Zeus, is built like he was personally sculpted by Hashem himself. And then there is Abby: the most athletic girl I know. Our first effort gave us hope..we were able to raise the beastmobile a couple inches. Immediately upon seeing this possibility for escape, Iliya became mine and Abby's commander and we went about collecting large stones, a telephone pole, and following Iliya's orders to complete this mission. Despite our courage, brawn, and strength of leadership, we needed to call in for reinforcements. Iliya told us he would be back, and began sprinting up the mountain. This provided myself the opportunity to take some pictures and have some fun before our impending death in the wilderness.
Video! Watch it!
Hardcore Abby face
Great Hiding Place
Cars: heavier than they look. Or maybe just as heavy.
Defeated.
Finally, Iliya returned with four high-school-age Israelis, and together we were able to pick up the back end of the truck and rescue the beastmobile from certain towing expenses. However, as you may be able to observe from the pictures, the beastmobile was stuck at an incline, and when all four wheels were back on solid ground, the suzuki began rolling. Down the hill. As this was happening, Abby quickly grabbed the emergency brake, but not before the front left wheel entrenched itself in the death trap. Simultaneously, a couple of Israeli helpers and myself were trying to hold the car from rolling down the mountain from the front bumper. As the front of the car fell into the abyss, one of the Israelis lost his footing and bagan to slip into the hole. I quickly grabbed him by the shirt and did my best to keep him from certain death (ok.. so maybe just from certain injury, but it sounds more Hollywood this way). Eventually, we all escaped unscathed, except for Ilya's first born son the beastmobile, which suffered scratches and minor paint loss.
Making sure this doesn't happen to anyone else.
Damage assesment: limited
All smiles and boob sweat
Osama?? Nope.
So we made it to Jerusalem.. just as the sun was setting. I have been there a few times now, but seeing the mountains and the architecture beautifully designed and constructed from the ancient Jerusalem stone is as powerful a sight as I have ever seen. The only sad part of the day was not being able to visit the Old City due to the threat of riots and violence spilling over from East Jerusalem. A great day nonetheless.
Yesterday marked the one month mark since I arrived in Eretz Israel. It seems like just yesterday when... well, I'll spare you. It's gone by quickly.
Since I last posted, our group took an excursion to the Dead Sea and Ein Gedi national park on the Eastern edge of Israel. Originally our group had planned to hike the hills of Haifa but severe weather conditions there (light rain and clouds...serious for Israel) forced a change of plans. Consistent with most sites in Israel, the Dead Sea has significant historical roots. Blockbuster stars of the bible such as King David used this place as a welcome respite grom the glitz, glam and paparazzi culture of Jerusalem in the 10th century BCE. Herod the Great had a villa along its' shores where he could be found when taking breaks from rebuilding Solomon's temple and his murder sprees. Jesus had a second home here (citation needed). The Egyptians used the salt to make balms for mummification (that one is actually true). Situated in the middle of the Judaen desert, it's the anti-oasis of oases. Although it is completely bereft of life, it has always drawn life to it. Even in today's historical context, it is still hotly contested between Jordan and Israel. Our tour guide told us that every year Jordan and Israel meet to decided upon a new half-way point in the middle of the sea because it changes levels every year due to continental drift. In Hebrew, it is often referred to Yam Hamavet, which can be translated to "Sea of death." Morbid stuff. It is a popular tourist destination year-round, and for good reason. It's sunny 90% of the time there, and due to the salt content the water is always warm. It's also a great place to go for old men to wear tighty-whitey's and do plyometrics or work on their flexibility. The general trend seemed to be the more transparent the better. The beach was littered with these types of tourists, who carry no shame in how their inner thighs look while wearing translucent "bathing suits" and working on their lunge form. It was entertaining but slightly uncomfortable comic relief.
Typical Dead-Sea Tourist..definitely not an American.
My friends and I jus floatin'. Mountains of Jordan in the distance.
Before we got to the shores of the Sea of Death, we first did some hiking in Ein Gedi, a national park famous for it's (freshwater) waterfalls, pools, and wildlife. My group isn't the most.. hmm how should I phrase this.. athletically gifted. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I will have to wait another day for an actual challenging hike. But we slowly ascended the hills above the Dead Sea, and the higher we got the better the views became. We came to a famous spot there with an excellent viewpoint over the dead sea, Ein Gedi Kibbutz, and the Judaen mountains in Israel and Jordan. One of the participants quipped that this is where the Disney classic "Lion King" was filmed, due to the rock formation's resemblance to "Pride Rock" from the movie. Me, Big Cat Ben, and some others began a harmony of "The lion sleeps tonight", and soon every one around us was singing either the "weem-a-wap" part or the falsetto. Due to my excellent vocal range, I was a leading member of the falsetto section. Other tour groups..and our tour guide for that matter..looked at us like we were crazy. It was a nice moment. Andy from the Office would have loved it.
"Simba, Everything the light touches is our kingdom"
From L to R: Masha, David Hamelech, Tel Aviva, and Crazy Rina
Pointing at nothing in particular.
The Big Cat sheltering Aviva (livin' la Aviva loca) from the sun.
From L to R: Medium Mike, David Hamelech, and Inadequate Dan
Backstreet Boys music video shoot?
I use Pert Plus, in case you were wondering.
On the semi-serious side of things, I started my internship last week. I will be working as an english tutor and instructor at the Teva school in south Tel Aviv, near the border of Jaffa. The school houses grades 1-9 and boasts one of the most impressive campuses for an elementary or middle school I have ever seen. The Teva school is one of a few magnet schools in the area, and is a private institution that focuses on science and environmental studies. I will be working here between 20-25 hours a week in small groups and with individuals working on reading comprehension and conversational english. I know how to read and converse, so I'm perfect for the part. The children (yeledim) all seem really excited to have an American to bounce questions off of such as "Why do you live in Cleveland?" and "Do you know Justin Bieber?". In all seriousness, the kids all seem interested in learning english and respectful of their teachers. I'm hoping to have a significant impact at this school, and also to gain some valuable teaching experience. It's exactly what I came here to do. I'm one happy camper.
Apart from a dedicated english department and the best and brightest youth in Tel Aviv, the school also has an "ecology center" which is basically a contained jungle of flora and fauna for the students to interact with. While some animals like peacocks, roosters, ibex, and exotic birds roam free, the ecology center also has a wolf, pigs, pelicans, snakes, hephalumps, and all kinds of other creatures in cages. The teachers use this center as an interactive learning center to teach lessons on biology, chemistry and environmentalism. I was shocked by all of this, but was blown away when I saw that they had a cage for wolves. Wolves. At school. The Teva (nature) school is the bee's knees of learning institutions. It's the cat's pajamas. It's the elephant's instep. It's the Donkey's Danglies. I like it a lot.
Teva school from the front
Rooster. In the school.
Ecology Center
Snake.
5th grade students
This photo may seem out of place. This is what I come home to every day. Big Cat Ben and sometimes adequate Dan jus' cuddlin'.
Student enjoying a pita
5th Grade girl inside the bird cage. Not a punishment. She was just taking pictures of a new cockatee family.
Last night many of us went to Backy Bar on Ibn Gavriol (hardest street name to pronounce). We walked in to "ghetto superstar" blaring from the speakers by Maya and Busta Rhymes, so we knew it was going to be a great night (90s hip-hop and pop? Yes please.) After some shmoozing, I was challenged by a south african employee of Oranim to dance on the bar in exchange for her buying me a drink. I of course obliged, and stood up above the bar and did my best to work out some dance moves while being conscious enough not to tumble to my endless embarrassment over the bar or into the crowd. Evidently I did ok, as I was given a free drink by the bartenders. I thought I might get kicked out for my hooliganism, but instead I was rewarded. This is after we were almost not let in because we were under 25 years old. The bar caters to and wishes to be viewed as a more upscale establishment, yet they encourage young men such as myself to make a fool of themselves by dancing on the bar with free alcohol. I <3 Israel and it's contradictions.
The majority of clubs and bars I have been to here have played a mixture of American music and Israeli hits. Until now, I haven't been able to recognize the Israeli hits or artists until recently. When this song comes on, Israeli's go nuts and now us Americans are beginning to admire such artists as Hadag Nahash. I have no clue what the lyrics mean, but the song has a great beat and the video is pretty
sweet. Enjoy!
Shana Tova! (Happy New Years) Or Happy Sylvester day?? "Whaaaat is Sylvester day, you ask?" Do not fret, I will divulge. In Israel, the term "New Years" is already reserved for the Jewish calendar new years. So December 31st is known in Israel as Sylvester day. After surfing the interweb, I discovered that Sylvester was actually a Catholic (commonly mispronounced Cat-A-Holic..by me) Saint and Roman Pope who was anti-Semitic and just generally an ass. He helped pass some legislation at the Council of Nicaea in the 4th century that prohibited Jews from living in Jerusalem. Another heartwarming story from Jewish history! So now you know.
On Monday of this week, we took a field trip for ulpan. After I forged my mom's signature on the field trip permission slip, we all traveled to the market for practice learning food related vocabulary and phrases. Our teacher Tali split us into groups and gave us a list of 40 foods or questions that we had to find by asking random Israelis in the market. We had an hour to complete the questions and also buy food for a picnic for ourselves in Hayarkon park. It was kind of like Supermarket sweep, but instead of grabbing food we grabbed israelis and forced them to answer our questions. Our group won of course, and we even had some time for shenanigans in the vegetable section.
Becky and Maya with large melons
Yours truly with just lemons
Eggplant
Me and Ulpan teacher Tali <3 xoxo
Following our picnic in the park, We came back to our school and Tali had facepaint ready for us. To help us learn vocab for bodyparts and colors, we partnered up and had to interpret directions for what color to paint our partners faces. My day's as a rodeo clown (we in the biz preferred to be called Rodeo Protection Athletes) are well in my past, but Im always down for a good, clean, healthy face painting in the name of Hebrew vocabulary expansion.
Mike and myself
Later on in the week, our group traveled together to the Diaspora Museum at Tel Aviv University which was interesting. College life in Israel is much different in the states due the effect of the Army. For most young americans, being 18 means graduating from high school, livin the dream at college (COLLEGE!), and placing fun above all professional and personal goals. Way above. It's not our (americans) fault for being naive, stupid, and self-interested at this juncture. (generally speaking, of course) It's just college culture here. For Israeli's, turning 18 means joining the army for 2 or 3 years (3 for men). Following these 2 or 3 years, most Israeli's take a break and travel for 6 months to a year. So typically, Israelis don't begin their undergraduate studies until they are 21 or 22 years old. So naturally, age and wealth of experience results in Israelis being much more focused, mature, and serious about their studies at college. Tel Aviv University campus was gorgeous, with palm trees everywhere, modern architecture, and gangs of cats that engage in turf warfare over garbage receptacles. It was a good experience to go see students in their environment, and being a student of history it was great to learn about the Jewish Diaspora.
During this visit, we noticed a huge sculpture of Albert Einstein, whose name is everywhere on the campus. I learned that in 1952, The state of Israel asked big Al Einstein to become the president of Israel, but he respectfully declined.
Einstein Head (actual size)
Also this week, Ann Kravec came from the states to eat as much shawarma as she could and to hang out with the illz-cat Iliya. We joined with some other Israelis from camp as well as Abby Kaufman. Also in town were Schwinger and Danielle from the UK. Quite the reunion. We ate sushi together and had round after round of laughs. EDIT: Zack Teitel the Canadian Dracula was also in attendance, sorry for leaving you out in the first edition.
Ann and Schwinger
For New Years, I made an impulse decision to embark on an adventure to a Kibbutz in the north with some other oranim participants. Tel Aviv is insane on New years, like any big city, with bars overflowing and clubs charging exorbitant entrance and drink prices. So we took to the train and busses and arrived at Kibbutz Sarid north of Haifa. I was told through the grapevine that there was a stable of horses to ride, a large pool to swim in, and A-TV (all-terrain vehicles). I shouldn't have been surprised when there weren't any horses, the pool was empty, and no ATV's. However, there was A Tv.. so that one can be chalked up to miscommunication. Nonetheless, we had a good time playing basketball and meeting residents and friends of the Kibbutz. It's not like the old-school Kibbutz that you would imagine with everyone working the farms and a communist type organization. It's more like a gated community but with really close ties to each other and more community spaces where people eat and play together. At night, we all went to the Kibbutz club, which was packed with outsiders such as ourselves. So much for avoiding a packed club atmosphere, but it was still really fun.
The Hamburglars
Two of my friends on this adventure, Mike from Portland and Simon from Jersey weren't having quite the same level of fun that I was having at this club, so they decided to get into some mischief. They keenly noticed that there was burgers being grilled just inside the window of the club, within reach while standing outside. Giggling like idiots, they waited until the cook looked away and quickly reached inside and grabbed a burger off the burner, then throwing it between themselves because it was too hot to handle. Although I did not witness this event occur, I imagine they then scarfed it down like animals with their bare hands. They told me they accomplished this grab-and-go criminality strategy four times in a row. Their appetites for meat may have been quenched, but their appetites for adrenaline still craved the rush of the steal. This is where I enter into the story. I came outside of the club and noticed my friends giggling like little girls and they called me over to them. They asked me if I could create a diversion by going inside and paying for a burger. Considering I was hungry anyway, I agreed to become an accomplice to their mischievous behavior. I went inside, purchased a burger, and engaged in friendly banter with the cook while Mike reached inside and grabbed a burning slice of meat off the grill. This time, however, he was not unseen. The bouncer of the club noticed the meat-steal, and the chase was on. One Israeli security guard chasing the two hamburglars from the states. They may have gotten away with their fifth burger if Michael had the foresight to securely fasten his camera to his person. Instead, the camera dropped and Mike chose his camera over his burger. He turned around and returned the burger in exchange for the camera. They were shooed away, but their bellies were full and they giggled all the way home.
The next day (today) we woke up and made what the Israeli's call a Poikie (sp?). Basically, it is a stew that you make over an open flame for many hours. We slowly mixed vegetables, spices, potatoes, beans, rice, and beef into the stew and had a good time sitting outside, listening to music and smoking nargilah while the stew cooked. I tried my hand at stirring (seen here with broomstick). It was a good end to a great New Years.
Most of the group candidly pictured. (Hamburglars in flannel and white shirt)
Alex and Moshe
Poikie!
Me with Leorre(kibbutz resident) and another kid picking him up
We had run over a man-made tunnel and the panel covering this death trap had been desrtroyed by Iliya's beastmobile. I half expected a bunch of Illegals or possibly Osama Bin Laden to emerge from this make-shift bunker in the mountain. After hopeless attempts to drive the beastmobile from this pit of death, I suggested that the three of us try to just pick up the car out from the abyss below. Between the three of us, I am a strapping lad with a youthful exuberance and decent muscle mass. Iliya, the mortal son of Zeus, is built like he was personally sculpted by Hashem himself. And then there is Abby: the most athletic girl I know. Our first effort gave us hope..we were able to raise the beastmobile a couple inches. Immediately upon seeing this possibility for escape, Iliya became mine and Abby's commander and we went about collecting large stones, a telephone pole, and following Iliya's orders to complete this mission. Despite our courage, brawn, and strength of leadership, we needed to call in for reinforcements. Iliya told us he would be back, and began sprinting up the mountain. This provided myself the opportunity to take some pictures and have some fun before our impending death in the wilderness.
